Our study in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence brings survey and narrative evidence together across four Celtic nations. In our sample, 1 in 3 gay and bi men reported intimate partner violence. Emotional harm, control of daily life and sexual coercion were common. A clear thread was coercive control, running through sex, intimacy and everyday life. Many men did not name these experiences as abuse until after leaving. 

“There is a similar common theme through all types of abuse. It’s the possession, the controlling, the feeling of being a dominant person, the feeling of being able to control somebody - is what was present throughout. When your partner becomes controlling, possessive and at times physical, whether that was through just intentional physical harm, but also violence through the relationship, through sex, through intimacy, and just through everyday communications.” 

“To be a man and even admit that you were in an abusive relationship, I mean, it knocks confidence, it knocks your self-esteem, and self-worth ... There’s a huge stigma around men coming out as domestic abuse victims.”

“When you look at domestic violence (physical) you always stereotype the victim, you don’t mean to, but you do. You don’t look at a big guy as a victim at all. You just...it’s just the way people are. You always sort of stereotype who’s going to be the victim. Yes, I didn’t fit that victim profile in my mind, and I’m sure in the police’s mind as well... I allowed it, I thought...He was (perpetrator) younger and a lot smaller than me.”

What follows is a public health concern with practical implications. Masculinity, shame and stereotypes create a recognition gap that keeps people silent, while men reporting abuse had markedly higher odds of moderate to severe anxiety and depression. Services and first responses must signal inclusion of GB men, ask plainly about safety and control, and offer confident, visible pathways that take disclosures seriously.

Read: Gay, Bisexual, and Other Men Who Have Sex with Men’s Experiences of Intimate Partner Violence in Four Celtic Nations (Journal of Interpersonal Violence)
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/08862605251331077

The conversation

In the podcast, James reflects on how a promising relationship narrowed his world, the impact, what made it hard to recognise the pattern, and how he turned pain into performance. We discuss the power of performance, audience responses at the Fringe, and what it means to be heard without judgement. Dr Edgar Rodriguez Dorans sets this within research on story and community response.

Key points we explore

  • Invisibility and masculinity: how control is misread as care, and how ideas about being strong keep people silent.
  • Shame and stigma: fear of not being believed, or of reinforcing stereotypes, blocks disclosure and help seeking.
  • Survival and language: naming abuse and control is painful but clarifying and can be the first step to safety.

Listen: You Are Not Alone — Gay Men, Abuse and the Way Through (Spotify).

First published: 30 August 2025

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